It was as if Jesus drove his
point home by saying the way God wants things is like the time a bride’s mother
reminded bridesmaids about the rehearsal but they refused to come. She sent people straight round to point out how
long she had planned, how hard she had worked and how much she had spent to
create the perfect day. They were
offhand. One said she couldn’t swop her
shifts. Another said she had had a
better offer and was about to fly to Ibiza with her boyfriend. It got nasty: hands were caught in slammed
doors, people fell off pavements as they were jostled in the street; someone
could have been killed. The bride’s
mother was livid. She had paint stripper
poured on one of their cars, and that wasn’t the least of it. ‘I’m not going to waste time on worthless
so-called friends,’ she said, ‘go and find people who have never dreamt of
being asked to be a bridesmaid; try the woman who begs with her child on the
High Street, the home for the severely disabled, the women’s refuge’. Soon the reception was full. But the brides’ mother spotted a bridesmaid not
wearing the dress she had had made; she was stuffing herself and slouching around
in jeans. ‘You must be having a laugh,
darling’, she said. The bridesmaid was
stunned. ‘You can get straight back to
the godforsaken place where you belong,’ the bride’s mother said, ‘I’m open to
anyone on my daughter’s special day , but don’t try taking me for a ride’.
This is my
attempt to interpret the Gospel reading set for last Sunday (Matthew 22.1-14)
using almost exactly the same number of words as one of the standard translations.
once more Jesus
spoke to them in parables
it was as if Jesus drove his point home
saying
by saying
the kingdom
of heaven may be compared to
the way God wants things is like
a king who
gave a wedding banquet for his son
a bride’s mother
he sent his
slaves to call those
who had been
invited to the wedding banquet
reminded bridesmaids about the rehearsal
but they
would not come.
but they refused to come
again he sent
other slaves, saying,
tell those
who have been invited
she sent people straight round
look
to point out
I have
prepared my dinner
how long she had planned
my oxen and
my fat calves have been slaughtered
how hard she had worked
and
everything is ready
and how much she spent
come to the
wedding banquet
to create the perfect day
but they
made light of it
they were offhand
and went
away, one to his business
one said she couldn’t swop her shifts
another to his
farm
another said she had had a better offer
and was about to fly to Ibiza with her
boyfriend.
while the
rest seized his slaves,
it got nasty: people’s hands were caught
in slammed doors
maltreated
them,
people fell off pavements
as they were jostled in the street;
and killed
them
someone could have been killed
the king was
enraged.
the bride’s mother was livid
he sent his
troops, destroyed those murderers
she had paint stripper poured on one of
their cars
and burned
their city
and that wasn’t the least of it
then he said
to his slaves,
she said
the wedding is ready,
but those
invited were not worthy.
I’m not going to waste time
on worthless so-called friends
go therefore
into the main streets
and invite
everyone you find
go and find people
to the
wedding banquet
who have never dreamt of being asked to be a
bridesmaid
those slaves
went out into the streets
try the woman who begs with her child on the
High Street
and gathered
all whom they found, both good and bad
the home for the severely disabled, the
women’s refuge
so the wedding
hall was filled with guests
soon the reception was full
but when the
king came in to see the guests, he noticed
but the brides’ mother spotted
a man there
who was not wearing a wedding robe,
a bridesmaid not wearing the dress she had
had made;
she was stuffing herself and slouching around
in jeans
[But commentaries alert me to the fact that there is no evidence from this period that the host supplied wedding garments for the guests]
[But commentaries alert me to the fact that there is no evidence from this period that the host supplied wedding garments for the guests]
and he said
to him,
she said
how did you
get in here without a wedding robe, friend?
you must being having a laugh, darling
[Commentaries alert me to the fact that 'friend' is only ever used in this way in Matthew with a negative edge]
and he was
speechless
the bridesmaid was stunned
then the
king said to the attendants,
the bride’s mother said
bind him
hand and foot,
you get straight back
and throw
him into the outer darkness
where there
will be weeping and gnashing of teeth
to the godforsaken place where you belong
for many are
called
I’m open to anyone on my daughter’s special
day
but few are
chosen.
but don’t try taking me for a ride.
The pictures
are from Hawkhurst church which we also visited as part of our ancestor hunting
on our way back from Belgium.
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